- for the woman who brought me in , someone who IS the reason why I’m alive
How will I ever know what you feel …
I wish , at all times , that I can hear even a few lines of how my mother feels about me . I wait for that handful occasions in a year that I can give her a hug , touch her feet , shed a few tears when we show our affection toward each other . I could never have asked for a better mom than her , for she’s absolutely amazing . The way I was brought up in a world that we never required anything beyond our league and the times I already had what I needed even before my mentioning . She completes my world . In fact she balances my life that can go anywhere if it isn’t for her presence , giving me a relaxed mind that I can go home to her , whenever I fail . I make new relations , get attached to other people and devote a surprising amount of time to them , and do things I never do for my family . But then I realize there’s a strong woman back home , who demands none , asks not , set boundaries none , and yet hope only the best for me . I breathe with ease only because she taught me , whatever I’ve learnt . And there’s nothing that will be even close to sufficient for all that I’ve got from her …
“ My youngest son is awesome . He is studious and a brilliant scholar . He will forever live up with his good grades and top his class . He respects the family and will never put the family’s name at stake . He is reserved but he is a thinker – I know he is focused and will get what he wants in life , eventually . He is confused at times , hence he takes quite some time to figure out what he wants , but he comes back with good news so I’m happy that he’ll survive this world . He doesn’t talk too much but maybe that’s how we’ve brought him up . He is forever addicted to his gadgets and doesn’t care about the outer world but at least he’s not indulging in something bad . I am confident that he’ll do just fine in future . Yes he doesn’t know what a home means because he was born with a silver spoon , and never had to decide on anything . Sometimes I wonder why sons are so very cold blooded and don’t give enough time to family . But then , they may have something in their minds , for themselves , and for the family .”
I wish I could tell her that I’ve changed – for the good or bad isn’t my concern . I am not what I make myself look like , to anyone . Agreed that a mother knows her son more than anyone else . But there are issues that we haven’t been able to put up on the discussion board and talk openly about . Maybe I’ve inherited the calmness and secretiveness of both my parents hence I don’t mention what’s going on . I function on absolute filtering of events and sieve out only the best that’s audible for others , the way they want it . Guess that’s a reason no one can ever understand my thinking because I never confide in the perception of others with regards to myself . But I don’t owe much to others as do I to my mother …
How can I ever tell her what I’ve become in life ? The habits that I’ve developed , the vulnerable sides of me , the company I spend time with , the times I go and do when she expects me to be indulging in something better , the step outs I make when I need to follow my planning … There’s so much to tell her , and some to hear from her too . One regret in life that I will always have is that I couldn’t understand a little bit of her . I don’t know what she wants , when she wants it , when she is unwell – both bodily and emotionally – , when she expects something of me , how to make her happier … Guess that’s the reason I choose to move out of home every time I get the opportunity because it makes me regretful that even being by her side I cannot do much to help her . And that there’s nothing I can change …
I am a good person , with a few habits that others perceive as wrong . I LOVE YOU MUWAA HAJUUR …